i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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