I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
