The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
