Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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