I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my shit smells like andre
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
