Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
