A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
