But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize