I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
