I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Congratulations! We have a period
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