captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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