Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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