And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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