Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
