I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
