You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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