I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
