I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
