shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
