I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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