I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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