really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
