So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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