Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
