She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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