Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
