I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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