i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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