D3 body, D1 cock
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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