please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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