Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
