Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
