Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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