i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
