u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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