So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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