OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
