Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
