when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
