Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
