It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
