therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
