is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
