The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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