forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
