I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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