Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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