Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
