$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
