I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
