I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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