i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
