Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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