Apparently you make a good broom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
