I want to make a zoo with you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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