Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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