remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
where are you?
Hypothermia
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
