Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
