I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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