$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
