oh god the rape fog is back!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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