actually, I'm a sock model
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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