my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
