woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
