What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
