I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
