Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
