There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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